Crap all over the coffee table, laundry to be done and folded, dishes to be washed and put away, and a layer of dust on all surfaces. Add on to that that I have a significant life to-do list and this morning I felt like escaping to a small one room cabin in the woods to be alone with my thoughts and words. I have thought about building one among the trees behind my home for decades. There’s a reason why I was drawn to read Thoreau’s Walden (which I never finished because his chapter on beans put me to sleep). Were we contemporaries, he and I would have been friends that bickered, I’m sure of it. “Too much on and on about the beans” I would have said to him.
So, what did I do about all of the above? Absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true. I vacuumed and made beds. Then I took J.D. to soccer tryouts, brought Maire to a playground, and plopped myself on the grass and read Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver. Poetry seems to be the only thing I have the attention span to read these days and the words of Mary Oliver are just so meditative and calming. As the moisture from the ground seeped through my yoga pants, I read a poem that encapsulated my day in just a few lines:
Wherever I am, the world comes after me.
It offers me its busyness. It does not believe
that I do not want it. Now I understand
why the old poets of China went so far and high
into the mountains, then crept into the pale mist.
With those words in mind and the fact that I did “nothing” today, I decided to take a look at exactly what I have accomplished of late. The past week has had its ups, downs, ins, and outs; it has been difficult to focus on the ups and ins. The noise of life gets so loud sometimes and drowns your ability to recognize the triumphs. At school the other day, I looked at the faces of my students and saw a glaze in their eyes that bothered me. By period 2 I had scrapped the day’s plan and decided to take all my classes outside to read a chapter book in Spanish. It was an unusually hot October day and the changing trees almost looked confused by it. “Nature misses us and the trees are sad because they’re losing their leaves.” I told the kids and encouraged them to hug their arboreal saviors. Yes, I hugged a tree in front of many teens several times that day. The week only improved from there. On Friday, I brought Isaac’s portable karaoke machine, complete with disco lights, and used the mic with an intense echo feature to call out students for using cell phones in class. “Get out of the ether. It is trying to steal your soul.” I warned them, channeling the Wizard of Oz voice. By period 6, I was impersonating Neil Diamond and singing “Sweet Caroline” as a tribute to the Red Sox who were playing that night. “You have lost your damn mind.” Meg told me last night when I recounted these instructional shenanigans. Maybe she’s right but, I’ll tell ya, it’s pretty damn freeing to be at a point in my life where impersonating Neil Diamond in front of a bunch of teens does not phase me in the least. You want to know what else? The glaze in their eyes disappeared for a bit so I will call that a mini win. My only hope is that all that ridiculousness ends up in a few students’ ‘memories of high school’ bank later in life. “Remember when Señora Alfaro hugged the tree?” they’ll say one day.
This weekend, instead of housework, I had deep conversations and good laughs with many of my favorite humans. I spoke my truth and heard the truths of others; I made myself vulnerable and witnessed others do the same. I made chicken parm for my quirky little family of 6. Dad liked it, another mini win. Yes, Mary Oliver, today’s “busyness” tried to get my attention but it didn’t. The dust is still present, laundry unfolded, coffee table cluttered, life’s to-do list undone, and my writing seriously delayed. Although I know that all of those things must be attended to and soon, I will close my eyes tonight knowing that the love I feel and have for so many and so much is enough. Good night, sleep tight, let all that you have left undone wait for morning light.
Undone
And that glaze in the eyes is why I wear a sort of costume every day in October now.